Forgiveness is an important part of healing the loss that is felt from divorce. You must forgive yourself for any part that you played in the relationship’s dissolution and you must also forgive your partner for any hardship that they caused you during this relationship. It sounds impossible, and you may wonder why you should bother. The answer is simple. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness sets you free and takes the anger from your heart.
Yesterday is done. You are a different person today than you were yesterday. So stop torturing yourself. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. It is done. By forgiving yourself and your partner for the actions that occurred during your marriage, you free your heart to move past any anger, and acknowledge the sadness and grieve. You have lost a significant relationship in your life. It is important to acknowledge this, and allow the emotions to be released so they do not turn inwards and cause illness.
Please don’t expect that you can say to yourself ‘I forgive’ and be done. It doesn’t work that easily. It’s not an instant process. It is a gradual releasing of the anger and sadness in your heart. You start with proclaiming it, and then work your arse off on the meditation mat, and in your daily life, actually living your life as if it were actually true. Fake it until you make it baby. Of course, there will be times when you grit your teeth and they push your anger buttons and you just become angry again. Just notice it, realize that you are human, and it is all a learning process. Try again tomorrow.
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Yeshe, Thubten. (1998). ‘Becoming your own therapist’. Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive. USA.